Mental Health and Wellness Services

CONFIDENCE

Children gain confidence by demonstrating their competence in real situations. Children who experience their own competence, and know they are safe and protected, develop a deep‐seated security that promotes the confidence to face and cope with challenges. When parents support children in finding their own areas of competence, and building on them, they prepare kids to gain enough confidence to try new ventures and trust their abilities to make sound choices. In thinking about your child’s degree of confidence, consider the following questions:

• Do I see the best in my child so that they can see the best in themselves?
• Do I clearly express that I expect the best qualities (not achievements, but personal qualities such as fairness, integrity, persistence, and kindness) in my child?
• Do I help my child recognize what they have done right or well?
• Do I treat my child as incapable or as a youngster who is learning to navigate their world?
• Do I praise my child often enough? Do I praise my child honestly about specific achievements or do I give such diffuse praise that it doesn’t seem authentic? 
• Do I catch my child being good when they are generous, helpful, and kind or when they do something without being asked or cajoled?
• Do I encourage my child to strive just a little bit further because I believe they can succeed? Do I hold realistically high expectations?
• Do I unintentionally push my child to take on more than they can realistically handle, causing them to stumble and lose confidence?
• When I need to criticize or correct my child, do I focus only on what they've done wrong or do I remind them that they are capable of doing well?
• Do I avoid instilling shame in my child?