CONFIDENCE

True confidence, the solid belief in one’s own abilities, is rooted in competence. Children gain confidence by demonstrating their competence in real situations. Confidence is not warm‐and‐fuzzy self‐esteem that supposedly results from telling kids they’re special or precious. Children who experience their own competence and know they are safe and protected develop deep‐seated security that promotes the confidence to face and cope with challenges. When parents support children in finding their own encounters with competence and building on them, they prepare kids to gain enough confidence to try new ventures and trust their abilities to make sound choices.

In thinking about your child’s degree of confidence, consider the following questions:

• Do I see the best in my child so that they can see the best in themselves?
• Do I clearly express that I expect the best qualities (not achievements, but personal qualities such as fairness, integrity, persistence, and kindness)?
• Do I help my child recognize what they have done right or well?
• Do I treat my child as an incapable child or as a youngster who is learning to navigate his world?
• Do I praise my child often enough? Do I praise my child honestly about specific achievements? 
• Do I catch my child being generous, helpful, and kind or doing something without being asked or coaxed?
• Do I encourage my child to strive just a little bit further because I believe they can succeed?
• Do I hold unrealistic high expectations?
• Do I unintentionally push, causing my child to stumble and lose confidence?
• When I need to correct my child, do I focus only on what they have done wrong or do I remind my child they are capable of doing well?
• Do I avoid instilling shame in my child?